“Conquering Anger”

(Ephesians 4:26-27)

Series: More Than Conquerors (3 of 7)

Todd A. Linn, 2-19-06

First Baptist Church, Henderson, KY

· Please take your Bibles and open to Ephesians, chapter 4.

A couple weeks ago I began a series of messages entitled “More Than Conquerors.” The Bible says that we’re not just conquerors, but “more than conquerors” through Christ Jesus who loves us. So there are some things in our lives we should be conquering. And we’ve looked at conquering worry and last week, conquering depression. A couple days ago, Michele was talking with someone who had not been to our services, encouraging her to come. During the course of the conversation, this person said, “My husband gets depressed.” Michele said, “Todd preached on conquering depression this past Sunday.” She then said, “and I’m the worrier.” She said, “He preached on conquering worry the Sunday before.” Then Michele added, “By the way, if either of you have an anger problem, he’ll be preaching on that this Sunday!”

So far, you could call this series, “How to deal with how you feel” because we’ve been talking about how to deal with our emotions. This morning’s message from chapter four of the book of Ephesians talks to us about overcoming another emotion every single one of us faces, nearly every single day.

· Please stand in honor of the reading of God’s Holy Word.

26 “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath,

27 nor give place to the devil.

· Pray. (RUN VIDEO CLIP)

**VIDEO CLIP [“What Makes You Angry?”] (One minute)

Well, what makes you angry? Maybe some of those comments resonated with your spirit! The guy talking about traffic struck a chord with me. My dad was notorious in traffic situations. I think I’ve shared with you before a certain memory of mine. When I was small I was riding with my dad in the car. Someone pulled out into the lane and was right in front of my dad. My dad said, “You idiot!” I said, “Dad, that guy’s just driving his car. He’s not an idiot.” My dad said, “Son, anyone who gets in my way is an idiot.” How can we conquer anger?

There are four verbs here in these two verses, four verbs in verses 26 and 27, and all of the four verbs are in the imperative mood. They are commands. From these four verbs, we learn how to conquer anger. How can we conquer anger? Number one:

1. Deal with it Realistically (26a)

“Be angry,”

Some translations soften these words with something like, “In your anger do not sin.” But the first word in the original is a word in the imperative mood, a command. It literally reads, “Be angry.” Now I happen to like that! I mean, that’s dealing with anger realistically, isn’t it? Be angry. It’s biblical. It’s okay to be angry.

Anger, in and of itself, is not a sin. You can’t control how you feel, did you know that? You can’t. God created you as a sentient, feeling, human being. You are supposed to feel. One minute you’re watching television, minding your own business, and a commercial comes on for Hallmark Greeting Cards. A minute later you’re sobbing and blowing your nose. You are just being yourself. You feel.

So when we’re talking about anger, we need to deal with it realistically. Someone says, “Well, I never get angry.” That’s just not being realistic. We all get angry. We are emotional, feeling, beings. You can’t control how you feel. I hope that’s liberating to some of you. Be angry! It’s a command. It’s biblical. You can say, “The book says it. I can do it! I can BE angry!”

Well, where there’s a point number one, there’s a point number two close by. If we’re going to conquer anger, not only must we deal with it realistically, but we must:

2. Deal with it Seriously (26b)

“and do not sin”

The New Living Translation has, “Don’t sin by letting your anger control you.” See, it’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay to sin. You can’t control how you feel, but you can control how you deal with how you feel. Be angry and do not sin. So deal with your anger realistically and deal with it seriously. You can’t control how you feel, but you can control how you deal with how you feel.

Do not let your anger control you. You will do things that you will later regret. Someone said there’s only one letter difference between the word “anger” and the word “danger.” If you don’t deal with your anger seriously, it is dangerous.

Most of you are old enough to remember some of the actions of an often angry basketball coach by the name of Bobby Knight. Knight was the colorful coach of Indiana University for a number of years. And who could forget his frequent outbursts? One of the most memorable was the 1985 game against Purdue. IU was losing and Knight received a technical foul for protesting an official’s call. He was angry. So what did he do? Did he allow his anger to control him? Do you remember? Check this out:

**VIDEO CLIP [Bobby Knight throwing chair] (12 seconds)

Poor Bobby Knight! He received a second technical foul for throwing that chair, and when he continued to protest he was ejected from the game and later suspended for one game.

Have you ever gotten so angry you did something like that? Have you ever thrown a chair? Have you ever gotten so mad that you took out your anger out on something else? My mother used to talk about getting so mad that she would “blow a gasket.” I was 18 years old before I knew what a gasket was, but I knew it wasn’t good to blow one.

If we don’t control our anger, it will control us and we’ll do things we later regret.

I heard about a man who was so angry with his mother that he decided to sit down and vent his frustrations and he wrote out a really long letter. So he let her have it in that letter, just got it all out. The son gave it to a friend to mail and his friend thought, “He’s angry. I think I’ll just hold onto this for a day or two.” The next day, the son felt terrible and he said to his friend, “I’d give a hundred dollars to get that letter back.” His friend said, “I’ll see what I can do!” Usually you can’t take it back.

Take your anger seriously. Don’t allow it to control you.

James 1:19 says, “Let every one be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”

Patience is the virtue that often conquers anger. That’s why you’ll often find anger contrasted with patience in the book of Proverbs.

Proverbs 14:29, “A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly.”

I read where Thomas Edison was kicked out of school. His teacher was often frustrated with Edison, believing him to be something of a dullard, a person who was not very bright. Edison’s mother had great patience with him and home-schooled him, showing great interest in his experiments. (Source: Bob Russell).

Proverbs 15:18, “A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.”

Proverbs 16:32, “Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.”

A mother ran into the bedroom when she heard her 7-year-old son scream. She found his 2-year-old sister pulling his hair. She gently released the little girl's grip on her brother’s hair and told him, “There, there. She didn't mean it. She doesn't know that hurts.” The brother nodded his head and the mother left the room. As she started down the hall the little girl screamed. She rushed back in and said, “What happened?” The little boy said, "She knows now."

Proverbs 19:11, “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.”

Patience is the virtue that often overcomes anger. A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense. In Matthew 18:21-22, Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” And Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” In other words, be patient enough to continually forgive the one who has offended you, and continues to offend you.”

It takes great patience to raise children and grandchildren. They often test you, don’t they? A family was taking a trip and the little 4-year-old boy in the back seat was really testing his mother’s patience. He’d keep saying, “Are we there yet, are we there yet?” His mother finally said, “Look, stop asking. It’s going to be a long time before we’re there.” A few minutes later, the little boy asked, “Mom, will I still be 4 when we get there?”

It’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay to sin. You can’t control how you feel, but you can control how you deal with how you feel. Be angry and do not sin. Deal with your anger realistically and seriously. Number three, if we’re going to conquer anger, we must:

3. Deal with it Immediately (26c)

“do not let the sun go down on your wrath,”

Now this is a very picturesque, figurative expression. It does not mean that you can carry your anger around until the sun is getting ready to set and, just before sundown, you dealt with your anger. If that were true you wouldn’t want to run into an angry person in Alaska. Alaska is called the “Land of the Midnight Sun” because when you reach the far north, the sun doesn’t set for 82 days, shining from May 10 to August 2. That could make for an awfully long and angry summer!

The expression simply means, “Deal with your anger immediately.” Don’t let your hot anger begin to boil into something dangerous. Deal with it right away before it gets worse. The longer you wait to deal with it, the worse it can become.

The old saying, “Don’t go to bed angry” is actually a pretty good paraphrase of this statement. That’s a good one for married couples: “Don’t go to bed angry. Stay up and fight it out!”

A married couple had a quarrel and ended up giving each other the silent treatment. A week into their mute argument, the man realized he needed his wife's help. In order to catch a flight to Chicago for a business meeting, he had to get up at 5 a.m. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5 a.m." The next morning the man woke up only to discover his wife was already out of bed, it was 9 a.m., and his flight had long since departed. He was about to find his wife and demand an answer for her failings when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. He read, "It's 5 a.m. Wake up."

We must deal with our anger immediately. If we don’t we will deal with it physically. You don’t deal with your anger immediately, you’ll deal with it physically. The adrenaline will flow and you may suffer from high blood pressure or hypertension. You can affect your central nervous system and your digestive system. You don’t deal with your anger immediately, you’ll deal with it physically.

Now let me add a little qualifier here. Sometimes you can’t deal with your anger the very second you become angry. Sometimes you’re so hurt you are not in a position to respond immediately in a rational manner.

You find out someone else stole your idea at work, somebody says something hurtful to you, somebody does something mean to you, it’s hard for you to respond immediately in a rational manner.

And so you may need to cool off for a moment or two. Walk away. Keep your mouth shut and just walk away. Take some time to cool off. Get in your office and close the door for a few moments. Breathe deeply. The old adage of counting to ten is a good one. Sometimes you need to separate yourself from the situation. You are, as we said, a feeling being. You can’t control how you feel, but you can control how you deal with how you feel.

But remember, don’t let the sun go down on your wrath. After you’ve taken a moment or two, deal with that anger before it deals with you.

If we’re going to conquer anger, we must deal with it realistically, deal with it seriously, and deal with it immediately. Number four, we must:

4. Deal with it Completely (27)

“nor give place to the devil.”

Some translations have, “And do not give the devil a foothold,” or, “Do not give the devil an opportunity.”

See, the devil is real. He’s not just into demonic possession, he’s also into demonic oppression. He loves to look for a place in your life where he can gain a base of operation and oppress you. If you don’t deal with your anger, he will. He’ll take the opportunity you give him to make your life as miserable as possible.

So you’ve got to deal with your anger completely, not giving any opportunity to the devil. That means you’ve got to deal with your past. Someone has hurt you in the past, you’ve got to forgive that person or you will carry your anger around with you wherever you go.

Your anger toward that person will color everything you see and do. You’re carrying that anger around like extra weight. You don’t need it and it’s slowing you down. You get around other people and you often, unconsciously, project that anger on someone else.

Andy Stanley points out that this is one reason why it’s generally not good for a divorced person to quickly re-marry (Stanley, “Dealing With Anger”). He or she has still not dealt with the anger generated from the previous relationship. So what happens? He or she just drags it into the next relationship.

By the way, we’re back in 1 Corinthians 7 this Wednesday in our Bible study through 1 Corinthians. This Wednesday we’ll be studying the beauty of remaining single.

See, if you’re carrying around your anger with you, you can even forget the source because you let the sun set on it a long time ago and you’ve forgotten. And the devil gained opportunity by it. He set up a base of operation and he’s working with your anger. You carry your anger with you and it colors everything you see or do. You change your environment, but your anger goes with you.

Someone else hurt you, a church hurt you, a circumstance hurt you, but if you don’t deal with your anger completely, forgiving your offender completely, you will just bring that hurt and anger into every other relationship you have.

Conclusion / Invitation:

When you look carefully at the context of this passage in chapter four, you note that Paul’s train of thought begins at verse 25 and runs through the end of the chapter. He’s talking about the behavior of the “new man,” the Christian, not the “old man,” the person he was before Christ, but the “new man” who has Jesus Christ living within him. And so he says, “be angry, and do not sin . . . let him who stole steal no longer . . . let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth . . . be kind to one another, and then he ends it all in the last part of the last verse of the chapter. He says, “Forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

The anger that does the most harm is the anger expressed in relationships. Yet the Bible says, “Forgive one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” Who makes you angry? God says forgive that person, even as God in Christ forgave you. Deal with that person realistically, seriously, immediately, and completely. That’s how God dealt with you. Because of what Christ did on the cross, God turned away his anger from you. And God forgives you immediately and completely.

· Stand for prayer.

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